Ahem... Ladies and Gentlemen might you be so kind as to direct your attention to me for just a few moments.
Ok.
Some of you have heard that I have finally begun work on a story that has been in my head for quite some time. Yes the rumors are true, after more than a year of bouncing around in my head the story has finally begun to come out.
As of this moment I have decided to give you all a peek at my book. I may give you small peeks here and there but this is the largest peek you will get.
The reason I am posting this is because I want your honest opinions.
What do you think?
Those of you who are reading this on Facebook; yes I want you to post.
People I want FEEDBACK.
So here you go; the prologue to my book:
(remember FEEDBACK!!)
Feedback means, tell if you think this is a good enough opening to pull people in.
Ok so here it is>>>>>>
____________________________________________________________
The dream that often plagued her was back in full force, it was no nightmare but it was unwelcome all the same.
1997
She could see the scene before her, a father and daughter facing out towards the green fields around them sitting in the back of a small black Ford Ranger. She felt as if she was floating, watching all that was taking place as she had so many times before.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay Cam?"
The warm wind blew against Camden's face carrying the scent of freshly cut grass with it, Cam loved that smell, it always made her feel as if all was well in the world; odd how a mere scent could do that. Cam smiled a little as she looked at her father "Yeah dad, I'll be okay. I'll do better I promise." John Stewart picked up his blue L.A. Dodgers cap and placed it on his daughter's head, his lips formed a smiled on his bearded face "How many times have I heard that before?"
She leaned against her father wanting to reassure him somehow but she couldn't find the words to do so. All she could do was let him know his daughter was there beside him promising to do better.
For a moment father and daughter sat still in the fading light enjoying the silence. It was broken as John spoke; "Come on, mom is actually home for dinner today so we're going to enjoy it as a family. She'll be upset if we're late."
He stood and Cam followed suite linking her arm through his as she looked out across the green fields "Okay." John was only going to be home a few more days, he was about to head out on another road trip. Cam was used to her father's frequent trips across America, she missed him but she knew it had to be done. There weren't many good sources of income around Kopper Missouri so John had chosen the life of a trucker. It paid the bills but it kept him away from his wife and two daughters, Cam always hated it when he was gone.
The house was warm and welcoming as it always was when Cam's mom was home, light emanated from the windows of the blue trimmed white house and as Cam walked up the steps her father sniffed the air appreciatively "I think we can expect cornbread tonight." Cam laughed and punched her father lightly in his stomach "Not that you need anymore."
John swatted her arm away, his brown eyes twinkled at his dark haired daughter; he had a little extra weight around the middle but it was only and inch or two. He opened the door for his daughter and guided her inside as he stole back his cap from her head "Go wash up."
The scene changed and it was now morning, the Stewart women stood watching John head out to his truck. The morning air had a sweet spring smell to it, the Aspen trees moved in the breeze but the beauty of the morning was lost on Cam; she wanted to shout at him to stop. She tried to speak, to tell him, but she stood mutely waving at him from the door as she always did.
"Cam." Her father turned from the truck bathed in the sunlight as he motioned her over to join him. Fifteen year old Camden hurried to her father, while her older self floated over the scene; watching.
"Take care of them for me, here;" he placed his hat on her head once more "hold on to this until I come back."
Cam reached up feeling the bill of the baseball cap, it gave her a feeling of security, keeping a piece of her father with her.
"I will." she said in answer to all that he had said.
Young Cam turned to look at herself, meeting her own brown eyes openly "We take care of them for him."
She turned back but he was gone, taken by an act of carelessness and Cam was left with a promise.
"I'm keeping my promise dad. Can you hear me? I'm keeping it." Cam wanted to tell him, but he would never know.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Its That Time of Year.
Why am I not full of Christmas cheer?
That past few Christmases I have looked upon with a Scrooge-esq view.
I hated the holiday and felt left behind when the world seemed to spin faster around me, it was as if the world was in motion and I alone was standing still.
But that has changed.
It is well known among my friends that I have never cherished any great love for Christmas, if I was master of my own home I would be content with sitting a tree in the corner undecorated.
I would only care to place it there for the scent and nothing more.
However, I hear there are other items with which one may scent their home and so were I master of my own home, I would not buy a tree at all.
I am sure at this point some of you are asking, Why this madness? Is not Christmas the highlight of the year? The only time when lights seem festive and we love more? When (most) families and friends put aside their respective grudges and gather together to celebrate?
I say you nay.
Perhaps it is the avarice of most people that put me off.
Perhaps it is the people who go overboard, their homes are not a pretty thing; they look as though the fabled Santa has vomited all of his left over decorations from the north pole upon them.
I am not saying that I loathe all decorations, indeed some may be placed quite prettily in the home and those I do appreciate.
Perhaps it is my love for simplicity that makes me look upon all the excess with distaste.
I know not.
What I do know is this;
I love my family, I love getting together with my relatives and I enjoy our talking and games.
To me; Christmas means nothing.
I love not the lights, nor the decorations, nor the rush of the general populace, or the frenzy that seems to overtake the people at this time of year.
I have given this some thought because once I discovered that I truly thought nothing of this holiday it unsettled me.
I now look at the lights and the tree and all the various signs of the seasons and feel nothing at all.
We have a large fake tree in our home, when my family decorated it, I went about my day.
I understand what Christmas is supposed to mean for some of us and truly I do think about it and find that I am thankful but perhaps due to what the "holiday" has become; it means nothing.
That past few Christmases I have looked upon with a Scrooge-esq view.
I hated the holiday and felt left behind when the world seemed to spin faster around me, it was as if the world was in motion and I alone was standing still.
But that has changed.
It is well known among my friends that I have never cherished any great love for Christmas, if I was master of my own home I would be content with sitting a tree in the corner undecorated.
I would only care to place it there for the scent and nothing more.
However, I hear there are other items with which one may scent their home and so were I master of my own home, I would not buy a tree at all.
I am sure at this point some of you are asking, Why this madness? Is not Christmas the highlight of the year? The only time when lights seem festive and we love more? When (most) families and friends put aside their respective grudges and gather together to celebrate?
I say you nay.
Perhaps it is the avarice of most people that put me off.
Perhaps it is the people who go overboard, their homes are not a pretty thing; they look as though the fabled Santa has vomited all of his left over decorations from the north pole upon them.
I am not saying that I loathe all decorations, indeed some may be placed quite prettily in the home and those I do appreciate.
Perhaps it is my love for simplicity that makes me look upon all the excess with distaste.
I know not.
What I do know is this;
I love my family, I love getting together with my relatives and I enjoy our talking and games.
To me; Christmas means nothing.
I love not the lights, nor the decorations, nor the rush of the general populace, or the frenzy that seems to overtake the people at this time of year.
I have given this some thought because once I discovered that I truly thought nothing of this holiday it unsettled me.
I now look at the lights and the tree and all the various signs of the seasons and feel nothing at all.
We have a large fake tree in our home, when my family decorated it, I went about my day.
I understand what Christmas is supposed to mean for some of us and truly I do think about it and find that I am thankful but perhaps due to what the "holiday" has become; it means nothing.
Monday, November 23, 2009
No Words
I have no words.
I can't explain
I have this pain
But I cannot say
Where it is
What it is
There are no words
For you
Or me
We must get through it
In order to be
It won't last
It'll be in the past
But now it hurts
And I feel like dirt.
I can't explain
I have this pain
But I cannot say
Where it is
What it is
There are no words
For you
Or me
We must get through it
In order to be
It won't last
It'll be in the past
But now it hurts
And I feel like dirt.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Simplicity
The other day I went down to the beach, the weather was quite nice.
There was just a hint of haze in the air, the ocean breeze was blowing, the temperature was not too hot and not too cold.
It was wonderful.
There weren't many people there.
I walked along the beach not thinking much, I was just enjoying being there. My head was quiet. It was a nice change from the usual parade of crazy thoughts flying through my head. I suppose one could even say that I was relaxed.
Somehow (and much to my great delight) I have begun developing an eye for simple beauty. A rock with an interesting pattern, a shell with some purple in it, nothing but water stretching for miles...
I took along my camera and took pictures thinking how lucky I was to be there.
When I was younger I never gave a second thought to where I lived or the beach or anything. For some reason I have begun to appreciate so much more and I love it, I find simple happiness in a child walking down the pier holding his elders hands, its extraordinary how much is in the world.
I walked along and picked up rocks I thought were interesting, I felt a bit childish, I did that when I was younger. I often took more rocks from the beach than I knew what to do with. I also tried to build a sandcastle but it started to get messy and I stopped.
The ocean drowned out most other noise, it was almost quiet, almost still. I think that such small things are healing to the soul and I find myself craving the simplicity of a walk along the beach with the sun on my back, wind in my face and nothing but the sound of the ocean in my ears.
I suppose I'm overflowing with thankfulness that I was there that day.
I love Southern California, its the place I come back to with relief in my heart knowing that I'm home. Despite the traffic, the rude drivers, the many people who cross the street; this is it for me: the end of the line.
(Note, if you doubt anything I said just check the length of this blog, that should prove how simple it was. I have said enough and captured it all.)
There was just a hint of haze in the air, the ocean breeze was blowing, the temperature was not too hot and not too cold.
It was wonderful.
There weren't many people there.
I walked along the beach not thinking much, I was just enjoying being there. My head was quiet. It was a nice change from the usual parade of crazy thoughts flying through my head. I suppose one could even say that I was relaxed.
Somehow (and much to my great delight) I have begun developing an eye for simple beauty. A rock with an interesting pattern, a shell with some purple in it, nothing but water stretching for miles...
I took along my camera and took pictures thinking how lucky I was to be there.
When I was younger I never gave a second thought to where I lived or the beach or anything. For some reason I have begun to appreciate so much more and I love it, I find simple happiness in a child walking down the pier holding his elders hands, its extraordinary how much is in the world.
I walked along and picked up rocks I thought were interesting, I felt a bit childish, I did that when I was younger. I often took more rocks from the beach than I knew what to do with. I also tried to build a sandcastle but it started to get messy and I stopped.
The ocean drowned out most other noise, it was almost quiet, almost still. I think that such small things are healing to the soul and I find myself craving the simplicity of a walk along the beach with the sun on my back, wind in my face and nothing but the sound of the ocean in my ears.
I suppose I'm overflowing with thankfulness that I was there that day.
I love Southern California, its the place I come back to with relief in my heart knowing that I'm home. Despite the traffic, the rude drivers, the many people who cross the street; this is it for me: the end of the line.
(Note, if you doubt anything I said just check the length of this blog, that should prove how simple it was. I have said enough and captured it all.)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
To Label; Good or Bad?
Bourgeois, jock, nerd, geek, gay, bi...
These are only a few of the labels imposed on different groups of people by today's' society.
I just recently began thinking about labels after reading an article that happened to mention labels and it got me thinking; are labels any good?
We belong to a society in which they wish to label everything so that they might understand everything a little better. Maybe it isn't it even that, maybe people have the need to everything in a certain place so that they will know if they belong above that item/person or below it.
I suppose some people label others because its easier to remember who you are talking about specifically if you have something to associate them with.
There is a search for identity among the human race, a longing to belong.
Labels sometimes play a part in this, they can at times provide a place of belonging for the soul searching for their place.
People argue that labels are used to put people down and some truly are for that purpose. But that is another discussion entirely.
Perhaps we should find the difference between "label" and "class."
According to dictionary.com these are the definitions;
Class; a number of persons or things regarded as forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits; kind; sort: a class of objects used in daily living.
Label; a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group, intellectual movement, etc.
So is it or is it not the same thing?
Class seems to imply that the group forms and is then labeled by the individuals within that class.
whereas label seems to imply that the group is not formed, it is named by others who are outside of the group which shares certain similarities.
But by sharing certain similarities they have already formed a group, whether knowingly or unknowing it is a group.
Perhaps some labels are valid and others aren't, everywhere you look there are labels for everything, rude, not so rude, everywhere you look there are labels.
I wonder, is this a good thing?
Perhaps if we had no labels for certain things then they might change.
Labels can get confusing sometimes, heck even what I've written seems so confusing that I don't know what to do with it. All my thoughts on this subject have been so muddled that I have a hard time separating one from another.
I think that is what it is like with the words "label" and "class." Those words have been thrown around so much that people have difficulty seeing the difference.
I really think that this topic requires so much more thought and dissection that I have no idea how to even go about breaking down this topic further.
Some people hate to label things because they feel that having a definitive name for something will only serve to suppress what it could grow to be. In a nutshell they feel that it stunts any further growth.
Others perhaps feel that if they take on a label for who they are or class themselves with a group it will force them change fully to be the very incarnation of the stereotype for that group of people which will in turn impose on their freedom to be.
Perhaps if there were no labels or distinctions between groups of people then the wars between the classes to impose their values on a another group of society would be quiescent.
But if there were no distinctions then there would be no diversity which provides the interesting elements of the human race which I love; but I digress.
I suppose that whether or not a label or class is a good or bad thing must be determined by the individual.
Whether or not they wish to identify with a certain group of people and in so doing take on a label, must be decided by the individual themselves; not by society
These are only a few of the labels imposed on different groups of people by today's' society.
I just recently began thinking about labels after reading an article that happened to mention labels and it got me thinking; are labels any good?
We belong to a society in which they wish to label everything so that they might understand everything a little better. Maybe it isn't it even that, maybe people have the need to everything in a certain place so that they will know if they belong above that item/person or below it.
I suppose some people label others because its easier to remember who you are talking about specifically if you have something to associate them with.
There is a search for identity among the human race, a longing to belong.
Labels sometimes play a part in this, they can at times provide a place of belonging for the soul searching for their place.
People argue that labels are used to put people down and some truly are for that purpose. But that is another discussion entirely.
Perhaps we should find the difference between "label" and "class."
According to dictionary.com these are the definitions;
Class; a number of persons or things regarded as forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits; kind; sort: a class of objects used in daily living.
Label; a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group, intellectual movement, etc.
So is it or is it not the same thing?
Class seems to imply that the group forms and is then labeled by the individuals within that class.
whereas label seems to imply that the group is not formed, it is named by others who are outside of the group which shares certain similarities.
But by sharing certain similarities they have already formed a group, whether knowingly or unknowing it is a group.
Perhaps some labels are valid and others aren't, everywhere you look there are labels for everything, rude, not so rude, everywhere you look there are labels.
I wonder, is this a good thing?
Perhaps if we had no labels for certain things then they might change.
Labels can get confusing sometimes, heck even what I've written seems so confusing that I don't know what to do with it. All my thoughts on this subject have been so muddled that I have a hard time separating one from another.
I think that is what it is like with the words "label" and "class." Those words have been thrown around so much that people have difficulty seeing the difference.
I really think that this topic requires so much more thought and dissection that I have no idea how to even go about breaking down this topic further.
Some people hate to label things because they feel that having a definitive name for something will only serve to suppress what it could grow to be. In a nutshell they feel that it stunts any further growth.
Others perhaps feel that if they take on a label for who they are or class themselves with a group it will force them change fully to be the very incarnation of the stereotype for that group of people which will in turn impose on their freedom to be.
Perhaps if there were no labels or distinctions between groups of people then the wars between the classes to impose their values on a another group of society would be quiescent.
But if there were no distinctions then there would be no diversity which provides the interesting elements of the human race which I love; but I digress.
I suppose that whether or not a label or class is a good or bad thing must be determined by the individual.
Whether or not they wish to identify with a certain group of people and in so doing take on a label, must be decided by the individual themselves; not by society
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
V-Day
Its 2:52 in the morning,
I just finished writing all of my reflections from the previous day.
(for those of you looking for; Of Old Men And Roses see below this post.)
Then I went to Google and realized (thanks to the picture) its Veterans Day.
I feel obligated to say something in thanks to the people who currently serve in the military or have served or have given their lives in service to our country the good 'ol U.S. of A.
There isn't much to say besides thank-you and I wish that our military had the full support of everyone in this country.
The personnel fighting overseas give the dissenters the freedom to dissent.
Oddly enough (or not) the dissenters do not appreciate the fact that they still have the right to dissent thanks to the people who defend us.
Granted not all of the wars have been entirely right however it is a great sacrifice to sign away some of your life to become property of the government.
We all love freedom.
So I appreciate the sacrifices that have been made so that I can post another blog in public view without fear.
I just finished writing all of my reflections from the previous day.
(for those of you looking for; Of Old Men And Roses see below this post.)
Then I went to Google and realized (thanks to the picture) its Veterans Day.
I feel obligated to say something in thanks to the people who currently serve in the military or have served or have given their lives in service to our country the good 'ol U.S. of A.
There isn't much to say besides thank-you and I wish that our military had the full support of everyone in this country.
The personnel fighting overseas give the dissenters the freedom to dissent.
Oddly enough (or not) the dissenters do not appreciate the fact that they still have the right to dissent thanks to the people who defend us.
Granted not all of the wars have been entirely right however it is a great sacrifice to sign away some of your life to become property of the government.
We all love freedom.
So I appreciate the sacrifices that have been made so that I can post another blog in public view without fear.
Of Old Men And Roses
The past few days I was up in Auburn with Liz.
They have "real" Autumn; the leaves change colors and fall off whilst the temperature falls chilling the bones at night. (A little during the day too)
Needless to say I didn't venture out without my leather jacket; which (I might add) is the bomb. I had a nice time up there, the weather was good for the soul.
But that's beside the point.
It was completely beautiful up there, unfortunately for me I'm a southern California girl at heart so if I were to stay up there for more than a few days I would wish for nasty hot wind blowing through the plethora of houses that line the streets without pines trees and water separating them from the streets.
That information was also beside the point.
Here's the story; Liz had to go to the DMV to renew her registration which had expired and so I went along as the amusing little mexican chica...or something. (Just kidding)
By the way, the DMV is tiny, there's about five or six windows and about thirty chairs which was not enough for the amount of good townsfolk in the room; quite a few people were standing up.
And I have just now realized that this story has two parts.
Here's the first part;
unfortunately it takes place in the crowded DMV, I wasn't going to subject anyone to imagining the tiny room anymore than I have described but it appears that ya'll will have to go back to that crowded room of the uncomfortable blue chairs and chatter.
At least it was warm.
Anyways...
I was sitting in a chair reading the handbook for people wishing to obtain a motorcycle license because I am pondering the possibility also I needed to entertain myself while we waited.
So I'm sitting there reading about not hitting side mirrors and trashcans and such when an elderly man walked into the DMV.
I didn't think anything of it; just another person coming in to wait in the crowded noisy room.
The man walked a bit slowly up to the counter and took a number then headed to the back of the room. I turned my attention back to the handbook but I stopped reading again when I heard a lady behind me offer the old man her seat.
I was still looking at the book but I wasn't reading anything and I didn't want to turn around and stare rudely like I had nothing else to be looking at.
However I was listening as is a favorite pastime of mine; listening in to other people's conversations. I am cursed with good hearing, I'm not an eavesdropper (most of the time); the conversation wasn't private...
So she offers the man her seat and the elderly man refused it in the true spirit of a gentleman. She was a lady so doubtless he took that into consideration when giving her an answer.
I must say I was pleasantly surprised finding that perhaps my generation isn't as hopelessly impolite as they seem at first glance.
The lady insisted, the old man thanked her and sat down, I went back to actually reading.
It put a bit of a smile on my face, it is nice to see people who still have respect for their elders and put their needs first simply because they are older than they.
I'm not quite putting myself into that category, lord knows I need a bit more in that department.
But it was nice.
Now for the second part.
Liz ended up having to go and get her car smogged because it was an odd year or something. I don't know much about the rules for renewing registration seeing as how I don't actually own a car.
The shop we went to had roses in the planter around the building, I saw them, thought it was nice, and thought about going over to smell the flowers.
I love roses, granted they were the wrong color, pink and white. I like red ones but they all smell the same.
Anyways even though I thought about going over to smell the roses I didn't, I think there may have been a fleeting thought about how I would look, I would be called a "dork", someone would think I was strange; you get the picture.
I ended up sitting on a retaining wall casting an occasional glance at the flowers enjoying the cold air and fall colors mostly contemplating taking a picture of the rocks under my feet. (Truth)
I don't know how long I was sitting there but eventually a big white truck drove up and a man probably in his late forties got out.
My eyes followed him idly, he seemed to be in a bit of a hurry but right before he hurried in the doors he paused, bent over and smelled one of the roses.
Then he went in for a few minutes dashed out, got in his truck and drove away.
I thought, "That's what it means to stop and smell the roses. No matter how much of a hurry you are in you can stop and take a second or two to enjoy a nice smell or a pretty sight and then go about your business."
I was glad I saw that, it taught me a lesson, it also made me chastise myself for not following my first impulse.
Ah; there's another part to the story:
Today on the drive back to Vista there was a rainbow around the sun, it was amazing.
I spent a good while staring out the window at it hoping I wasn't doing too much damage to my eyes.
Why did the sun have to be right in the middle of it?
Right.
It wouldn't be so awesome if it was just a rainbow...
not to knock rainbows.
I love them but this one was around the sun and I had never seen that before.
On the way down we hit traffic in L.A. and after L.A. and I think there was a bit right before Lala land as well.
I didn't care, the windows were down, music was blasting, I was with Liz, there was fresh air (mostly) and it just made me so happy.
Even the selfishness of the other drivers only served as amusement.
Of course I wasn't the one stuck behind the wheel but I honestly don't think I would have cared, I wouldn't have been able to stare out the window as much but it still would have been pretty nice.
I think most humans are programmed to stop and enjoy things if only for a few moments but we shove it aside to make room for our busy lives or we push it aside for fear of being called strange. I suppose some of us push things away for so long that we being to fail to see the beauty that right in front of our eyes.
Where someone might see an item worth a few moments another would see nothing and go about their day without finding a small moment to brighten it.
That's all; smell the roses people.
I don't just write this for myself.
They have "real" Autumn; the leaves change colors and fall off whilst the temperature falls chilling the bones at night. (A little during the day too)
Needless to say I didn't venture out without my leather jacket; which (I might add) is the bomb. I had a nice time up there, the weather was good for the soul.
But that's beside the point.
It was completely beautiful up there, unfortunately for me I'm a southern California girl at heart so if I were to stay up there for more than a few days I would wish for nasty hot wind blowing through the plethora of houses that line the streets without pines trees and water separating them from the streets.
That information was also beside the point.
Here's the story; Liz had to go to the DMV to renew her registration which had expired and so I went along as the amusing little mexican chica...or something. (Just kidding)
By the way, the DMV is tiny, there's about five or six windows and about thirty chairs which was not enough for the amount of good townsfolk in the room; quite a few people were standing up.
And I have just now realized that this story has two parts.
Here's the first part;
unfortunately it takes place in the crowded DMV, I wasn't going to subject anyone to imagining the tiny room anymore than I have described but it appears that ya'll will have to go back to that crowded room of the uncomfortable blue chairs and chatter.
At least it was warm.
Anyways...
I was sitting in a chair reading the handbook for people wishing to obtain a motorcycle license because I am pondering the possibility also I needed to entertain myself while we waited.
So I'm sitting there reading about not hitting side mirrors and trashcans and such when an elderly man walked into the DMV.
I didn't think anything of it; just another person coming in to wait in the crowded noisy room.
The man walked a bit slowly up to the counter and took a number then headed to the back of the room. I turned my attention back to the handbook but I stopped reading again when I heard a lady behind me offer the old man her seat.
I was still looking at the book but I wasn't reading anything and I didn't want to turn around and stare rudely like I had nothing else to be looking at.
However I was listening as is a favorite pastime of mine; listening in to other people's conversations. I am cursed with good hearing, I'm not an eavesdropper (most of the time); the conversation wasn't private...
So she offers the man her seat and the elderly man refused it in the true spirit of a gentleman. She was a lady so doubtless he took that into consideration when giving her an answer.
I must say I was pleasantly surprised finding that perhaps my generation isn't as hopelessly impolite as they seem at first glance.
The lady insisted, the old man thanked her and sat down, I went back to actually reading.
It put a bit of a smile on my face, it is nice to see people who still have respect for their elders and put their needs first simply because they are older than they.
I'm not quite putting myself into that category, lord knows I need a bit more in that department.
But it was nice.
Now for the second part.
Liz ended up having to go and get her car smogged because it was an odd year or something. I don't know much about the rules for renewing registration seeing as how I don't actually own a car.
The shop we went to had roses in the planter around the building, I saw them, thought it was nice, and thought about going over to smell the flowers.
I love roses, granted they were the wrong color, pink and white. I like red ones but they all smell the same.
Anyways even though I thought about going over to smell the roses I didn't, I think there may have been a fleeting thought about how I would look, I would be called a "dork", someone would think I was strange; you get the picture.
I ended up sitting on a retaining wall casting an occasional glance at the flowers enjoying the cold air and fall colors mostly contemplating taking a picture of the rocks under my feet. (Truth)
I don't know how long I was sitting there but eventually a big white truck drove up and a man probably in his late forties got out.
My eyes followed him idly, he seemed to be in a bit of a hurry but right before he hurried in the doors he paused, bent over and smelled one of the roses.
Then he went in for a few minutes dashed out, got in his truck and drove away.
I thought, "That's what it means to stop and smell the roses. No matter how much of a hurry you are in you can stop and take a second or two to enjoy a nice smell or a pretty sight and then go about your business."
I was glad I saw that, it taught me a lesson, it also made me chastise myself for not following my first impulse.
Ah; there's another part to the story:
Today on the drive back to Vista there was a rainbow around the sun, it was amazing.
I spent a good while staring out the window at it hoping I wasn't doing too much damage to my eyes.
Why did the sun have to be right in the middle of it?
Right.
It wouldn't be so awesome if it was just a rainbow...
not to knock rainbows.
I love them but this one was around the sun and I had never seen that before.
On the way down we hit traffic in L.A. and after L.A. and I think there was a bit right before Lala land as well.
I didn't care, the windows were down, music was blasting, I was with Liz, there was fresh air (mostly) and it just made me so happy.
Even the selfishness of the other drivers only served as amusement.
Of course I wasn't the one stuck behind the wheel but I honestly don't think I would have cared, I wouldn't have been able to stare out the window as much but it still would have been pretty nice.
I think most humans are programmed to stop and enjoy things if only for a few moments but we shove it aside to make room for our busy lives or we push it aside for fear of being called strange. I suppose some of us push things away for so long that we being to fail to see the beauty that right in front of our eyes.
Where someone might see an item worth a few moments another would see nothing and go about their day without finding a small moment to brighten it.
That's all; smell the roses people.
I don't just write this for myself.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Crazy Hunting Trail Of My Thoughts For Today
"when your nose is in the nitty gritty
life can be a little sweet
but life can be a little shitty
what a pity"
Tell Me Baby- The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Dear Notes,
I seem to be writing you yet again.
Today I was talking to a few people and they seem to share my distaste for the current state of affairs.
Tired of normality, some want to leave altogether and others wish it would all just go away.I have some questions; is wanting it all to go away selfish? Shouldn't we be trying to change the way things are? Or are we so convinced that the world is a lost cause that we want to give up on it all together?
I suppose we wonder what's the point of even trying.
How did we become this way?
It always used to be "When I grow up I want to be..." whatever, fill in the blank.
Sometimes we wonder whats the point of fulfilling your lifelong dream if its all going to just crash and burn in the end?
Perhaps momentary happiness makes it worth the end?
We find ourselves feeling that there is a moral breakdown in society; a feeling of powerlessness in the face of the impenetrability of social institutions...
I sort of feel horrible about this but I find myself agreeing with some parts of this quote;
"The ultimate and most important revolutionary aspiration: to see human beings liberated from their alienation ... The individual will reach total consciousness as a social being, which is equivalent to the full realization as a human creature, once the chains of alienation are broken. This will be translated concretely into the reconquering of one's true nature through liberated labor, and the expression of one's own human condition through culture and art."— Che Guevara, Marxist revolutionary
But I am not in any way a Marxist which is why I find it so disturbing that I sort of agree with Guevara.
Anyways...
Some days we think we need help when we find ourselves identifying with things we never would have thought about or agreed with before.
So what is this?
A lowering of our standards?
A temporary stop in the land of insanity?
Sometimes my head just can't take it all in.
Were we better off in the earlier centuries when our life's aims were to emulate the example set for us by our wise elders?
Are we better off now when we can forge our way ahead in a world of chaos and differ from our ancestors?Is this even making any sense?
Some days it makes me crazy.
Is despair an excellence or a defect? Purely dialectically, it is both. The possibility of this sickness is man's superiority over the animal, for it indicates infinite sublimity that he is spirit. Consequently, to be able to despair is an infinite advantage, and yet to be in despair is not only the worst misfortune and misery—no, it is ruination.
– Anti-Climacus, The Sickness Unto Death
life can be a little sweet
but life can be a little shitty
what a pity"
Tell Me Baby- The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Dear Notes,
I seem to be writing you yet again.
Today I was talking to a few people and they seem to share my distaste for the current state of affairs.
Tired of normality, some want to leave altogether and others wish it would all just go away.I have some questions; is wanting it all to go away selfish? Shouldn't we be trying to change the way things are? Or are we so convinced that the world is a lost cause that we want to give up on it all together?
I suppose we wonder what's the point of even trying.
How did we become this way?
It always used to be "When I grow up I want to be..." whatever, fill in the blank.
Sometimes we wonder whats the point of fulfilling your lifelong dream if its all going to just crash and burn in the end?
Perhaps momentary happiness makes it worth the end?
We find ourselves feeling that there is a moral breakdown in society; a feeling of powerlessness in the face of the impenetrability of social institutions...
I sort of feel horrible about this but I find myself agreeing with some parts of this quote;
"The ultimate and most important revolutionary aspiration: to see human beings liberated from their alienation ... The individual will reach total consciousness as a social being, which is equivalent to the full realization as a human creature, once the chains of alienation are broken. This will be translated concretely into the reconquering of one's true nature through liberated labor, and the expression of one's own human condition through culture and art."— Che Guevara, Marxist revolutionary
But I am not in any way a Marxist which is why I find it so disturbing that I sort of agree with Guevara.
Anyways...
Some days we think we need help when we find ourselves identifying with things we never would have thought about or agreed with before.
So what is this?
A lowering of our standards?
A temporary stop in the land of insanity?
Sometimes my head just can't take it all in.
Were we better off in the earlier centuries when our life's aims were to emulate the example set for us by our wise elders?
Are we better off now when we can forge our way ahead in a world of chaos and differ from our ancestors?Is this even making any sense?
Some days it makes me crazy.
Is despair an excellence or a defect? Purely dialectically, it is both. The possibility of this sickness is man's superiority over the animal, for it indicates infinite sublimity that he is spirit. Consequently, to be able to despair is an infinite advantage, and yet to be in despair is not only the worst misfortune and misery—no, it is ruination.
– Anti-Climacus, The Sickness Unto Death
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
In The Spirit of Halloween....
Today one of my friends said she wanted something to distract her from life and I being the kind friend that I am promptly made up this short tale on the spot.
This is via Google Talk hence the time stamps and lack of grammar.
Enjoy.
~Yours~
This is via Google Talk hence the time stamps and lack of grammar.
Enjoy.
~Yours~
once upon a time, there was a wicked old man
but no one knew he was wicked.
8:48 PM he gave cookies to all the children and stopped to pet the dogs and tell everyone how cute their children were
he loved to hold the babies and go to church every Sunday.
Everyone thought he was a devout nice old man.
But George (the old man) only went to church to spy on the children.
8:49 PM He would pick out the ones that didn't sit still during the sermon
then after the service he would give them all lollipops.
Unfortunately for the little children the lollipops were poisoned
8:50 PM They would make the children sick.
When their mothers called the doctor to come the old man would follow them to the houses and one by on he would uggest to their mothers that they tell their children that God was frowning upon them for not itting still in church
8:51 PM *sittin
*suggest
the doctors couldn't figure out what was making the children sick.
the bad thing was, the sickness would spread to all the kids from the naughty ones right down to the good little children
one by one they all died.
8:52 PM then when all the children were the dogs were sad cuz they had no one to play with
so they would go to the old man's house cuz he had been nice to them
he would give them treats...
BUT
they had poison.
and so all the animals died.
8:53 PM the old man pretended to be heart broken
he would attend all the funerals
and cry tears
for hours
but
he would only be sad that there no more little children to kill
he would move from town to town killing children and animals
8:54 PM this went on for years
until one father figured out what was going on by following the old man and watching him carefully
he would see the little evil smile on his face as he fed the children candy
8:55 PM when the old man stroked his white beard and stuck his papery white hands in his tweed pockets to give the children candy the man began to suspect....
and so one day he went to the old man's house while the old man was at church
he found a secret trap door leading under the house
8:56 PM he went down the rickety stairs and into the dank cellar
when his eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room he saw
bottles
of
poison
and
lollipops soaking up the cherry flavored poison
8:57 PM the man tried to tell the people who the old man really was but the old man
invited everyone to his house and gave a tour showing that there was nothing to be afraid of
he even took them downstairs
he had buried the poison in the yard
8:58 PM contaminating the water supply
this time he died along with the townsfolk from drinking the bad water.
the man died too
but every winter the ghost of the old man returns to haunt children and preachers
threatening them with lollipops
the end
_____________________________________________
And of course I had to follow that up with;
"Isn't that a horrible story?"
She agreed with me and I was properly gratified.
The strange thing is that I am in such a wonderful mood; I suppose, good moods make me spin twisted tales of creepishness.
I was born on Halloween so I'll just chalk it up to that.
G'night!
And of course I had to follow that up with;
"Isn't that a horrible story?"
She agreed with me and I was properly gratified.
The strange thing is that I am in such a wonderful mood; I suppose, good moods make me spin twisted tales of creepishness.
I was born on Halloween so I'll just chalk it up to that.
G'night!
Public Transportation, Duckies and Songs
Dear blogspot and various readers,
Today I went for a walk.
I hadn't planned to be gone that long but as it turns out the public transpo system is slow and I have bad luck with it.
Like, it would leave when I was stuck across the street at a red light trying to cross. More walking for me.
I did get to ride the sprinter a little bit, which is our lame version of the metro or something.
I got to eavesdrop on other people's conversations.
I got to awkwardly avoid eye contact with people like everyone else and pretend that its not weird to be riding in a giant bus/train/metro thingy with a bunch of strangers.
I saw ducks bathing in water that was pretty much green; side note to self, if a duck is ever not scared of you and comes up for a closer look, DO NOT under any circumstance reach out and pet its soft algae cleaned feathers.
And don't put your fingers in your mouth if you do happen to forget this simple instruction.
Not that I ever do that.
There were quite a few cars out, but I didn't stop and ogle them. Everyone already gives the freak walking on the sidewalk the once over and I wasn't kind enough to return the favor...
also I had places to be.
Like...well nowhere in particular but I still felt like I had someplace to be.
So its very late and I'm headed home, I'm trying to walk quickly and get back because I was gone much longer than I had intended to be.
I'm walking along thinking about how nice it is that I am walking on the side of the road with shadows (for some reason I thought "shadows" instead of "shade") and I thought "long shadows, covering..." and then BAM! song lyrics popped into my head; two specific lines about the shadows of the evening.
So I think "Hey those aren't bad." (which they aren't) but then I think "Oh crap I'm going to forget them by the time I get home." so I get out my pen and little notepad to write them down.
Yes I know; Who carries around a little notepad and paper with them?
Trust me folks it comes in quite handy.
So I stop in the middle of the sidewalk on the side of the road and write the first two letters of the first word then think "Wait, that isn't right." so I think for a minute and come up with a few to put before those particular lines and then a few more afterwords, while I am writing I tried to keep walking and write but I almost walked into a telephone pole so I paused for a bit and then wrote the words down.
I have no idea what I looked like, how many times do you see people stopped on the side of the road writing in a tiny notepad?
Really?
Like, what the heck?
Either way, I got exercise, a little bit of people watching time, some useful knowledge of yukky ducky baths and a chorus for a song.
Which is where my status on facebook "Only weird people stop in the middle of the sidewalk to pen down lyrics that suddenly pop into their head. Oh wait; that was me."
came from.
Not a bad couple of hours.
Here endeth the adventure.
Today I went for a walk.
I hadn't planned to be gone that long but as it turns out the public transpo system is slow and I have bad luck with it.
Like, it would leave when I was stuck across the street at a red light trying to cross. More walking for me.
I did get to ride the sprinter a little bit, which is our lame version of the metro or something.
I got to eavesdrop on other people's conversations.
I got to awkwardly avoid eye contact with people like everyone else and pretend that its not weird to be riding in a giant bus/train/metro thingy with a bunch of strangers.
I saw ducks bathing in water that was pretty much green; side note to self, if a duck is ever not scared of you and comes up for a closer look, DO NOT under any circumstance reach out and pet its soft algae cleaned feathers.
And don't put your fingers in your mouth if you do happen to forget this simple instruction.
Not that I ever do that.
There were quite a few cars out, but I didn't stop and ogle them. Everyone already gives the freak walking on the sidewalk the once over and I wasn't kind enough to return the favor...
also I had places to be.
Like...well nowhere in particular but I still felt like I had someplace to be.
So its very late and I'm headed home, I'm trying to walk quickly and get back because I was gone much longer than I had intended to be.
I'm walking along thinking about how nice it is that I am walking on the side of the road with shadows (for some reason I thought "shadows" instead of "shade") and I thought "long shadows, covering..." and then BAM! song lyrics popped into my head; two specific lines about the shadows of the evening.
So I think "Hey those aren't bad." (which they aren't) but then I think "Oh crap I'm going to forget them by the time I get home." so I get out my pen and little notepad to write them down.
Yes I know; Who carries around a little notepad and paper with them?
Trust me folks it comes in quite handy.
So I stop in the middle of the sidewalk on the side of the road and write the first two letters of the first word then think "Wait, that isn't right." so I think for a minute and come up with a few to put before those particular lines and then a few more afterwords, while I am writing I tried to keep walking and write but I almost walked into a telephone pole so I paused for a bit and then wrote the words down.
I have no idea what I looked like, how many times do you see people stopped on the side of the road writing in a tiny notepad?
Really?
Like, what the heck?
Either way, I got exercise, a little bit of people watching time, some useful knowledge of yukky ducky baths and a chorus for a song.
Which is where my status on facebook "Only weird people stop in the middle of the sidewalk to pen down lyrics that suddenly pop into their head. Oh wait; that was me."
came from.
Not a bad couple of hours.
Here endeth the adventure.
Laugh; its good for the soul.
I don't remember where I got these from it was so long ago but I think every once in awhile we should laugh and so I give you these:
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale. Bizzare News
While in some countries the penalty for driving while intoxicated can be death (yes, death), in Uruguay intoxication is a legal excuse for having an accident while driving. "Please believe me officer, I really was drunk."
Among the Abipone people of Paraguay, individuals who abstain from alcohol are thought to be "cowardly, degenerate and stupid."
When a female horse and male donkey mate, the offspring is called a mule, but when a male horse and female donkey mate, the offspring is called a hinny.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover the onset of baldness.
and last but not least...
Stupid Quotes
"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca
"The best thing about being a singer is that we get to visit great overseas countries like Canada." - Brittany Spears
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale. Bizzare News
While in some countries the penalty for driving while intoxicated can be death (yes, death), in Uruguay intoxication is a legal excuse for having an accident while driving. "Please believe me officer, I really was drunk."
Among the Abipone people of Paraguay, individuals who abstain from alcohol are thought to be "cowardly, degenerate and stupid."
When a female horse and male donkey mate, the offspring is called a mule, but when a male horse and female donkey mate, the offspring is called a hinny.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover the onset of baldness.
and last but not least...
Stupid Quotes
"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon
We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca
"The best thing about being a singer is that we get to visit great overseas countries like Canada." - Brittany Spears
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